The way I am

Stupid Shit!

2010-05-12T06:34:00.000-07:00

Okay.. don't take this note seriously. I just wrote it when I was in anger..

Things I hate when :

* someone says "life is short". What the hell??? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do in that long time ?

*someone asks "Has the car come yet?" when I am waiting for the car. If the car came, would I be standing here ???

*people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn Right! What good is cake if you can't eat it ?

*people say while watching a film, "did ya see that?" No Loser, I paid Rp 40000 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor!!

well, it's just a bullshit! don't take it seriously.. bye pals! hihi

xoxoxoxoxo

Life Begins at 18th

2010-05-12T05:34:00.000-07:00

Damn ,I hate my birthday! Call me insane , call me crazy but I always hate my birthday. There's no reason why I just don't like it!

But this year , it's a different story. I'm afraid , it was extremely fun! haha. Okay let me tell you why..

Someone crazy-hilarious-funny-yet-humble , call mister prisoner , had merged with my brotha and sista to set a surprise for me. I wish I knew but I didn't! My brotha and sista were totally busy buzzing with their games as usual. It was 11.30 pm at that time , I felt kinda drowsy-yet-sleepy so I went to my room.

Meanwhile , someone knocked at my room's door during 12.00 am. It must be my brotha , I wondered. When I opened the door , tadaaa! Oh my god ,it's shocking me!! I saw mister prisoner ,my brotha and sista with a big-yummy-creamy chocolate cake and candles on top of it. Huwaaa.. I really panic at that time since I was only wearing pyjamas with chicken-pup hair style and no make up! Geezz..

I didn't expect to get any gifts since I hate my birthday. But this time ,I got more than what I've never expected before. A surprise!!

It's not about the present they gave to me but it's about the moment. The moment which could stay in my heart.I think even the diamonds or gems couldn't be more precious than that. My life begins at 18th. Everything's new for me.

Thank you my brothaa , sista and mister H (mister p's friend). I really appreciate it!

Big special thanks to : mister prisoner. Thank you for the incredible amount of support , affection , friendship and solidarity. p.s : I love your pink t-shirt! haha.

Happy May Day , ppl! May God bless yeaa..

muachhmuachh

*forgive my messy hair. huhu :( *

*me and my brothaaa*

Brand New Day

2010-05-07T05:47:00.000-07:00

Dear my lamest blog ,
sorry dorry strawberry for not updating you since I was totally busy these days :(

But don't worry b'coz I've come back here with thousand of stories you don't wanna miss ! Okay let's start..

First , I've graduated from high school. Yihaa! It means I'm totally free-like-a-bird. I decide what I want and what I like.

Second , I hope I can go to university as soon as possible since I really can't stand staying all day long at home without any idea what to study for. Oh yaaa rite now I'm searching for job vacancies too. Interesting to hire me ?? Call me! haha

Third , believe it or not , I'm learning to cook some foodstuff. haha. Okay.. Okay.. You're allowed to laugh , but it's TRUE! I like to make experiments to mix this stuff with those in order to create enviable foods. So far the poor victims of my enviable foods are my brotha and sista. They told me that my thunderbolt-fried-rice is really suitable for people who don't pup for one week. Oh geez!

Fourth , I've met many interesting people these days such as gays and lesbians. Well , just kidding! haha. I mean many people keep wondering why am I still single until this last second. Hmm.. well I wanna make this statement : I AM SINGLE BUT NOT AVAILABLE! Isn't it cool ? haha. It's just the matter of status. Okay I'm single but it doesn't mean that I'm living alone and feel lonely. Hell NO! I'm happy.. totally happy!

But right now , I have someone who stand besides me. Someone who always laugh when I'm mumbling stupid jokes. Someone who always listen to my ugly-pitchy voice and someone who doesn't judge me when I'm doing pathetic.

Well I think it's too fast to conclude that I'm falling in love. I mean let me go with the flow. hihi.

So , for the past and someone in Dortmund pls don't disturb me!

Well , that's it. Happy fucking May , ppl! Love you. muach muach

xoxoxoxo

Untitled

2010-02-19T00:19:00.001-08:00

My body isn't perfect.
But I walk with confidence.
Some nights I would rather be myself than out partying.
I cry over the smallest things.
There are days that I get through with forced smiles and fake laughs.
Sometimes I try to convince myself that things are ok when they're not.
I'm not ugly, but I'm not beautiful.
My real life isn't as good as in pictures
There are some days when I cry myself to sleep.
I'm imperfect but i am perfectly me.

I Miss You So Damn Much

2010-02-17T00:10:00.000-08:00

Hello world..
Hope you're listening , there's someone I've been missing..
I think that he could be , the better half of me
He is in his own place trying to make it right
But I'm tired of justifying..

So I'll beg you come home , 'coz I've been waiting you for so long..
And right now there's a war between the vanities
All the sons , all the daughters
just dreaming out loud..

when I'm slipping in doubt and in fear
remind me your still here
That my heart is connected
in ways you won't let disappear

I miss you Dad..

Prapat , I'm cominggggg

2010-01-28T04:11:00.002-08:00

Tomorrow will be the greatest day in my life. I'm going to Prapat for the first time in my life. hell yeahhhhhh..

I've just finished packing my stuff. I feel so exhausted.

Oh ya , all of my friends keep arguing about mister K. Hmm.. he always makes everyone curious. hehehe. I wish I could tell them the truth. Well , perhaps I will. Everyone always wants to hear the truth.. until it hurts.

Happy beautiful day ppl *loveyou *muachh-muachh

****

*just finished my packing*

*my lips are sealed*

F*CK !!

2010-01-27T01:34:00.000-08:00

Sometimes it's better to be alone, no one can hurt you in any way. I'm really tired of being judge for who I'm not , stab for what I don't and gossip for those shits !!

Sometimes people are just fake as their D&G's underwear.. Is it hard to say : hey dude , I hate you so much so go F*CK urself.. rather than : hey dude , you're my best friend forever.. I love you so muach-muach.. but the truth is they hate him so damn much !

I prefer to be told with the first one , even it's hurting me , but at least I know the truth. Geez.. Nothing really makes sense in this world..

*****

Song of the day : Glenn Fredly - Cuma Kamu

Saat mata-mata tertuju tajam padaku
Hanya kau yang selalu tersenyum
Saat kata-kata menghujam dalam jantungku
Hanya kau yang menghibur aku

Saat mereka menghina aku
Kau genggam tanganku
Kau bisikkan tulusnya cinta
Kepadaku

Cuma kamu yang mengerti
Apa isi hati yang hancur selama ini
Cuma kamu yang pahami
Apa adanya diriku selama ini

Cuma kamu..

The Shape of Your Looking Glass

2010-01-25T02:46:00.000-08:00

You show me the world

by the shape of your looking glass

You make me easy to see

the colours in this world

Yellow , pink , green , blue

You color my day

The more I feel the more I see

the way you make me want to live

You left my words dry on my mouth

so much on my head ,

but nothing on my tongue

As much as it may seem , sounds and feels..

I wanna reach the world with you..

*****

This poem is dedicated for someone who had shown me the meaning of this life..

Brand New Day

2010-01-23T22:55:00.000-08:00

Today's mood : Happy-shopping-day-with-mom :D

Yesterday someone sent a picture of me. It's candid.. Awwww.. I love it ! Thank youuuu..

Song of the day : Brand New Day - Joshua Radin

Some kind of magic
Happens late at night
When the moon smiles down on me
And bathes me in it’s light

I fell asleep beneath you
In the tall blades of grass
When I woke the world was new
I never had to ask

( reff ) It’s a brand new day
The sun is shinning
It’s a brand new day
For the first time
In such a long long time
I know
I’ll be ok

Most kind of stories
Save the best part for last
Most stories have a hero who finds
You make your past your past
Ya you make your past your past

(reff )

This cycle never ends
Gotta fall in order to mend

And it’s a brand new day
It’s a brand new day
For the first time
Inn such a long long time
I know
I’ll be ok

Nothing Makes Sense in This Damn World

2010-01-22T02:35:00.000-08:00

"...and she will fool everyone with her smile and pretend laugh and pretend that everything is ok, even though its not ok. It was never ok for her. And when someone asks her "How are you?" and she replies "I'm fine" she knows she's lying because she's not fine.. And she longs for that someone to look into her eyes and tell her to tell him the truth because he can tell that she's not ok...And she knows that he'll be her soulmate and that she'll want to be with him forever just because he care.. "

Someone sent me this note yesterday at 3 am , I don't why but I guess there's something he wanna tell me..

I Heart My Family

2010-01-17T00:50:00.000-08:00

Lahir dari latar belakang keluarga multi-etnis membuat gw merasa berbeda dari yang laen sejak gw kecil. Papa yg beretnis Cina – Jawa banyak menurunkan gen fenotip nya ke gw melalui mata gw yg cipit , hidung , warna kulit , rambut hingga tinggi badan. Sedangkan mama yang campuran banyak ( emg gado-gado hehehe ) tapi lebih dominan ke Minang – Sunda banyak mewariskan sifat-sifat ketimurannya ke gw. Awalnya gw merasa sama kaya anak2 lainnya. Duduk di skolah yg sama , belajar bersama plus maen bersama. Sampai pada suatu saat , temen2 gw yg notabene orang Chinese ngejek2 gw dgn istilah huana.. huana.. yg arti harafiahnya mgkn org pribumi. Gw sich awalnya biasa2 aja diejek begituan , ga ngaruh.. Tapi lama kelamaan gw mulai kehilangan teman2 gw satu per satu. Mereka menganggap org pribumi engga pantas berteman dgn org Chinese.

Mulai dari sanalah awalnya gw merasa emg gw berbeda dari yang laen. Begitu juga dgn lingkungan pertemanan gw dgn org pribumi. Mereka merasa gw terlalu putih untuk ukuran pribumi dan mereka jg ngehina gw dengan ejekan rasisme : Cina cipit Cina makan babi.. Wuihhh.. kadang2 anak kecil juga bisa berbuat hal yg keji yaa. Hehehe..

Gw sempat merasa kehilangan jati diri. Gw berusaha mencari lingkungan dimana seharusnya gw berada. Gw lalu cerita ke papa mama tentang apa yg gw alami , papa lantas berkata ke gw kalo gw emg berbeda. Jadi gw harus menutupi jati diri gw yg sebenarnya , kalo gw mau punya banyak teman. Jadilah gw selama bertahun-tahun menutupi jati diri gw yg sbenarnya sampai saat dimana gw bertemu dgn orang2 yg nerima gw apa adanya. Di lingkungan sepermainan gw , gw bertemu dgn David , Hendry , Roy dan Erick. Mereka ga peduli dengan latar belakang keluarga gw. Yang mereka peduliin cuma maen , maen dan maen.. hehehe. Gw merasa nyaman maen bareng mereka.

Di les , gw punya banyak teman yang sayang gw apa adanya. Mereka adalah Keiko , Erwin , Justin , Prawira , Bang Andre , Kak Deva dan Ko Thamry. Mereka lah orang2 yg buat gw mulai nerima diri gw apa adanya. Sayangnya bbrp diantara mereka uda lost contact , ga tau dimana. Huhuhu *I miss them so damn much*

Hmmm.. tapi itu semua cerita lama. Skrg gw cinta diri gw sendiri apa adanya. Banyak koq teman2 gw yg tahu tentang latar belakang keluar gw. Malah banyak yg menganggap blasteran kaya gw itu keren. Hahaha.. Gw jadi belajar menghargai semua perbedaan yg ada. Mau etnis apapun itu , semua sama di mata Tuhan. ( wess. pinter bgt gw.. hehehehe )

Anw , Happy January people ! Love urself so others will love you back *love&hugs *muachhmuachh

*******

*I heart my dad*

*I heart my mom*

*Siblings stick together*

*here I am the gado-gado kid*

Flashback

2010-01-16T05:40:00.000-08:00

Song of the day : Be My Lady - Sandy

Since i’ve known you babe
You were a light for me
But there’s no yours sincerely
Build me a world to believe

But still there’s a doubt
in you for loving me
Though deep down inside
You see what’s in me

Be my lady be the one
and great things will come to our heart
you’re my lady you’re my one
give me chance to show you love

*****

This song really reminds me of someone. He's my best friend , my best brotha , my teacher , my clown and my lil' daddy.. hahaha..

I bet he will read this post and smile. hehehe. But hey mister K , all I wanna tell you is stop worrying about me. I'm not a cry full baby anymore. I'll promise you I'll always remember that I am braver than I believe , stronger than I seem and smarter than I thought..

Manage me , I'm a hot mess !

2010-01-15T01:51:00.000-08:00

Today's mood : dizzy-lizzy but sexy :D

Song of the day : Cobra Starship - Hot Mess

p.s. I love this song ! It makes me feel like wanna jump to the dancefloor. hehehe

You were a problem child
been grounded your whole life
So now you runnin wild
playin with them good girls
no that ain't your style.
You think you're hot shit and I love it
I love it yeah, yeah

( reff )Stumblin but yeah you still lookin hella fine
Keep doin what your doin and Ima make you mine
Well you're a hot mess and I'm fallin for you
And I'm like "hot damn, lemme make you my boo."
Cuz you can shake it, shake it, shake it
Yeah you know what to do
You're a hot mess
I'm lovin it hell yes!

Got me hypnotized
the city's your play ground
I watch you take a bite
at 5 a.m. roamin the streets
drunk all night
You think you're hot shit
and oh I love it
I love it yeah yeah

( reff )

You're a hot mess and I'm fallin for you
And I'm like "hot damn, lemme make you my boo."
Cuz you can shake it, shake it, shake it
Yeah you know what to do
You're a hot mess
I'm lovin it hell yes!

If you're dancin up on tables you go, you go, you got it girl
Say that you're unstable you go, go go, you got it girl
Dancin up on tables
Say that your unstable
You're a ha-ha-ha-ha-hot
Yeah you're a hot mess!
Ha-ha-ha-ha-hot
We're sayin hell yes!

( reff )

You're a hot mess and I'm falling for you
And I'm like "hot damn, lemme make you my boo."
Cuz you can shake it, shake it, shake it
Yeah you know what to do
You're a hot mess
I'm lovin it hell yes!

(Hell yes!)
Hot mess
I'm lovin it hell yes!
(Hell yes!)
Hot mess
I'm lovin it hell yes!

Woo-hoo !

Untitled

2010-01-14T01:29:00.000-08:00

Dear my lamest blog ,
Elo bakal ngerti rasanya terjebak dalam sensasi segar seperti tersiram air dingin dari pegunungan di hari yang panas , kalo elo ketemu dgn mister mucho kaya yang gw alami semalam. hehehehe..

Kayanya dulu gw pernah ngalamin nya , tapi uda lamaaaaa bgt.. Hmm.. is it a sign ? Entahlah..

Di waktu gw sedang ga ngelakuin apa-apa , gw iseng buka profile nya trus ngelihat foto-foto nya. Ternyata gw semakin menginginkannya , semakin merindukannya..

Aneh bgt ya , blog ! Tapi biarlah itu menjadi rahasia kita dan dunia yaa.. hehehe

Wednesday , I'm in Love

2010-01-13T05:14:00.000-08:00

Tonight's mood : Wednesday , I'm in Love.. hehehe. Thank you mister mucho for relieving my mood. Thank you for yogurt and salmon fettucini too. Because of you guys , I can forget my low blood pressure and those stupid problems. hahaha

Song of the day : I'm walking away - Craig David

( Reff ) I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away oh to find a better day
I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away oh to find a better day
I'm walking away

sometimes some people get me wrong
when it's something I've said or done
sometimes you feel there is no fun
that's why you turn and run
but now I truly realize
some people don't wanna compromise
well I saw them with my own eyes spreading those lies
and well I don't wanna live my life too many sleepless nights
not mentioning the fights i'm sorry to say lady

( Reff )

Well I'm so tired baby
things you say you're driving me away
whispers in the powder room baby
don't listen to the games they play
girl I thought you'd realise
I'm not like them other guys
coz I saw them with my own eyes
you should've been more wise
and well I don't wanna live my life too many sleepless nights
not mentioning the fights I'm sorry to say lady

( Reff )

I'm pissed off

2010-01-12T21:34:00.000-08:00

Behind the smile, behind the courage, behind the laughter, lies the hurt, the pain, the sorrow. Behind the mask, lies me. The me you never took the time to get to know.

I'm really pissed off :(

When words are unspeakable , I am off to the limits. Bye

Soulmate Prayer

2010-01-12T03:39:00.000-08:00

Heavenly Father, God, Most Gracious and Loving Creator, I ask that You abundantly bless me with my perfect soul mate, a beautiful soul that is for our highest good and may we experience our greatest joy together!

I now hold the prayer and vision of this blessing and gift for my soul mate to enter my life all in perfect divine timing!

I give thanks now as I KNOW AND TRUST in You and Your Blessings.

Father, GOD, I stand in Faith KNOWING this Prayer right now is bringing my soul mate into my life.

I stand in FAITH as I remember that to have faith inside my heart, is sufficient to manifest MIRACLES and Your Blessings.

I thank you now Beloved God Creator for all the Blessings I have received and for the Blessings yet to come!

and so it is… AMEN

*****

Huwaaa.. What a beautiful prayer. A friend of mine taught me this prayer. He believes it can help to protect the one we love ( Amen )

Talking about love , it’s like strolling in the dessert. It’s never end. There’s happiness , sadness , guilt , anger , infatuation , addiction and bla-bla-bla in one package. Can you imagine how complicated it is , rite ?

That’s why , there’s variety reactions appeared from my friends when heard the worship topic for today , “What is Love ?” There’s sigh , sham , excitement and so on. Presumably , the sigh and sham ones taught that *eeww* it was so-last-year-yet-uncool-topic. But honestly , I was part of the excitement ones. Hehehe..

The only reason why is because I believe in love. Yes , true love. Maybe people will just laugh at me and say : What could make a lil’ daddy’s gurl like me talk about true love ?

Okay , perhaps it’s true that I’m still daddy’s lil gurl. But I believe that true love is exist. I’ve heard thousands of love songs and I’ve read thousands of love poems which was created by lovers to express their feelings. What a beautiful feeling , indeed.

Unfortunately , many people said that true love always come in unknown conditions. We don’t know who , when , where and why. So until that moment is come , I suggest to be happy to keep messing up with the wrong ones. hahaha

Happy mess day , people ! *love&hugs *xoxoxoxoxo

Song of the day : Do you believe in love by Craig David

Just one day
If I could hold you in my arms
Close to my heart where you belong
Love of my life you really are
Still be showering you with kisses like snow in winter
Remember back in the day we were like best of friends
But we were falling in love we never could pretend
Night after night we used to talk about me and you
The things we'd do together forever?

Do you believe in love?
And the promise that it brings
That you'll never grow apart
Well that's what she said to me
Why did you have to go?
We were inseparable
You and me will always be together for eternity

Just one day
If I could touch your face again
Words can't describe how I'm feeling
If I could turn back the hands of time
I'd still be holding on wishes that you left behind
Remember moments when there was nothing better than
A stroll in the park walking hand in hand
I'll never forget the times we talked about me and you
The things we do together forever

Do you believe in love?
And the promise that it brings
That you'll never grow apart
Well that's what she said to me
Why did you have to go?
We were inseparable
You and me will always be together for eternity

The words you said to me before you slipped away
Are still with me girl to this very day yeah
In everything I do to everything I say
You'll always be the sunshine in my life
And yes I believe in love

Do you believe in love?
And the promise that it brings
That you'll never grow apart
Well that's what she said to me
Why did you have to go?
We were inseparable
You and me will always be together for eternity [repeat]

Lucky

2010-01-11T04:29:00.001-08:00

The first day in school , I felt absolutely dizzy-pathetic. My eyes screamed like a drowsy monkey because of my stupid insomnia *huhuhu* I’ve slept at 4 am in the morning yesterday. Teachers were busy buzzed about the exam that we gonna face in next 3 months. Starts from monthly test , semester test , national test and final school test *phiuuuh*

Of course I need extra-energy to face all of it. Fortunately , I have Jesus Christ , my family , my friends and my heart-keeper with me. They give all their best to support me physically and mentally *hip-hip-hooray*

Oh yaaa , there’s also someone else in Dortmund who will always pray for me *thankyou-thankyou*

How lucky am I , rite ? hehehe

So what are you waiting for ? C’mon find the people who give you support and thank them.

Happy being lucky , people ! *loveyou *muachmuach

Song of the day : The luckiest guy by Keiko Atmadja

Dear the luckiest guy in the world, I don't know you,
All I know is you are the luckiest guy
Because the girl who I loved, is your lover.
That was my destiny, but don't know why..

I am still wondering
Nowadays how is this life to you?
Every second is brighter
As a princess said she loves you

Reff : Respect her, please respect her
That is all I want from you.
As not every person can get her love.
Everyone is not lucky like you.

Do you ever feel sad?
I don't think so still I am asking.
There is no reason to be sad
After you got that much loving

I don't know if you deserve her
Because she is the best
But please make her happy
So my heart could get some rest

( back to reff )

You are the luckiest guy
As her lips said she loves you
And here a guy is still waiting
To hear a word , even if she says I hate you..

Catch The Wind Blows

2010-01-10T01:49:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow , I’ll be back to school *hooray*

I feel so excited because tomorrow is a perfect day in 2010 to start my study. I used to be one of zillion people with statement “ I HATE MONDAY “ but since I’ve made my resolutions in 2010 , I’ll try my best to love every single day ( sounds good huh ?)

Talking about 2010 , it’s a big thing for me. Why ? Because in this year my semi-happy-life will totally change.I’m gonna face the final test for high school in March ( which scare me a lot ) and replacement test for universities in April *double scare* But I optimize myself that I can pass it.. ( Amen )

Oh ya this lately , I’ve been falling in love with one indie local band name Endah&Rhesa . I love the songs , I love the acoustic play , I love the voice.. Oh crap , I just love everything about them. One of my favourite song is Catch The Wind Blows. This song is ah-mazing !! Everytime I hear this song , my heart feels like blow away ( okay.. too much ) hehehe

So guys , wish me luck for my test and my future yaa *love&hugs *muachmuach *xoxoxoxo

Endah and Rhesa - Catch The Wind Blows

When I wake up everyday
I smell coffee near my window
I realize it’s summer day
Then I start leaving my pillow
I don’t wanna miss a greatest thing I’ll have today
suddenly I thank God im still alive in this beautiful day

whole world seems so wonderful to me
even though im blind and cannot see the sunrise
even though im blind, I only catch the windblows in my hand
I am happy

Yellow, green, sunburst, pink many colors don’t mean a thing
They don’t disturb me at all
Real world not so complicated to me until I die
The more I feel the more I see in everything that passion me
The more I feel the more I believe in everything that makes me want to
live

whole world seems so wonderful to me
even though im blind and cannot see the sunrise
even though im blind, I only catch the windblows in my hand
I am happy

December

2009-12-22T22:51:00.000-08:00

I’ve just finished my swimming activities with my gurl while writing this note. What a fun moment ! *hellyeah* I’ll post you a lil’ picts of it because some are really private *nopublicity*

Anyway , these days I’ve been thinking about my resolutions for 2010 in order to be a better human being. After super-duper long meditation in bathroom ( oopss ) , I’ve listed my resolutions. But I’m not gonna tell you because it’s privacy.. hehhee..

Talking about resolutions , some of my friends have made their own. It stagger me since their resolutions are weird and funny. For example , a friend of mine wish in 2010 she could get a cute , bald and sexy boyfriend. Another one wish she could lose her weight until 30 pounds. There’s also one who wish his silly-dumbo-yellow-lost bicycle would be back. Hahaha..

That’s weird for me. But it’s their rights.. So have you made your own ?? If you haven’t , now go grab your ass and think about it.

Happy December everyone !

*gorgeous dina*

*honestly i'm getting fatter*